The Gloomies

 After going to Renegade over July 4th weekend (post still in draft about that) I just had a succession of bad things. 

My truck's transmission died on our way home from Renegade, thankfully after dropping Gwyn off, so we were close to home and while I didn't need a tow in the end, I definitely limped it home and limped it to the dealer a few days later. The chunk of change to stick a new transmission in the vehicle meant that my retention bonus from work could not be used for fun things like a new saddle, but instead, paid for most of the transmission. 

I haven't hauled since. I think I'm scared now. What that means is that I haven't been out on a trail ride. 

I made this at Pony Club Camp as a teen (CT)

Immediately after Renegade, we had a client audit at work, so I was super busy with that and as soon as that wrapped up we were notified that the FDA was exercising a surprise inspection for two weeks (!!!!) so work craziness continued and I barely saw my horse. 

Where I spent most of my teen years in the winter (CT)

Then I learned that Jane passed away and panicked about the cost of plane tickets to fly to Connecticut only to be reassured by the Best Wife that I should shut up and buy them because I obviously needed to go. I proceeded to feel unnecessarily guilty and awful about regret as I grieved, and that definitely impacted me wanting to go to the barn.

And where I spent most of my teen years in the summer (CT)

As soon as the FDA inspection was over we dove into performance qualification of the HVAC system for our new manufacturing spaces. Today was the end of week four, we have more weeks to go. 

The gateway to paradise (CT)

Looking up to the upper pasture and the 'riding ring' I used (CT) 

All of this to say... Gwyn has been neglected in the attention department. I hit the weekend so exhausted that every time I've thought to plan a trail ride, the idea of hooking a trailer up and packing to go anywhere is just exhausting.  Most of my rides lately have been in a hackamore, which was absolutely a dopamine purchase and I HAVE NO REGRETS.

Seriously, so cute.

The lavender with purple overlay is *chef's kiss* perfection

Some times I've gone out just to groom because mentally that's all I have the energy for. 

Even the kids helped

I have been consistently attending physical therapy for an hour, every three weeks or so with a lady who specializes in riders. This is to address knee and ankle pain. As I fix one thing my issues seem to migrate to the next adjacent body part (helloooo hips).  However, I've been fairly diligent about my at home exercises and I have noticed improvement in riding and generally in how I'm moving. This has also now led to me adding in pelvic floor therapy because let me tell you, it's NOT fun to have to worry about peeing any time you sneeze or... you know... half halt or try to relax and ride into a canter that's absolutely giant. Until that first appointment, I've been adding in hourly kegels throughout the day. 

What was fantastic tonight, however, was coming into my riding lesson with Ralph.  I told him upfront that I was hoping to have a lesson where I could walk away feeling like I had a win. That work had been shitty and stressful, and I needed tonight to forget all that shit.

So we worked on Gwyn's weak side canter departs. 😂😂😂😂

But you know what? She was the Best Mare Ever. 

Unenthused

She was lazy at first, offering the most western of jogs until Ralph told me to wake her up with some canter. I disagreed, and pointed her at one of the numerous cross rails scattered across the arena. That did the trick, hahaha. 

She's still anticipating pain on that left stifle and hock so achieving that left lead canter has been hard for me. What it took was counter flexing to the outside, really booting her butt to the inside and just pony club kicking. By the end of the night I was able to soften that cue, and the goal is to not have to so obviously flex to the outside eventually, but she needs to learn to actually canter on the left lead when I ask. The right lead was better and that was where she really found her motor. 

What was amazing to me was that it felt easier to ride her canter than it had before I started doing my millions of kegels. It was easier to sit up and not fetal position or go into two point. She really needs me sitting balanced and on her, not off her back at this point. 

It is hard to get a selfie with her whole head.

Ralph described it like a game. She likes playing the game and getting  the right answer. She was BIG MAD when she wasn't getting the right answer, but she also likes to win the Game against me, which is often her dropping her shoulder or ignoring my leg. At one point she was blasting through my inside leg down a long stretch in power canter and I was asking her to rate a bit and stay on the rail. She was aiming instead for a small vertical so I decided, "Okay mare, you want to aim for a jump? We're gonna jump." 

Ralph said afterward that it was like her eyes got real big. She was not expecting me to still assert that I had influence in what we were doing. The next time we cantered around that long side she was very respectful of my leg and where I was aiming. 😁 After that it was more like a partnership between the two of us. She had to get over her "game time" and really get down and focus. After drilling the left canter depart (again, her weak side), she started offering it as counter canter when I cued going right. So she was trying so hard to answer the question. Goober got lots of verbal praise and neck scritches. 

We did a lot of breaks to jump in between the canter and it really felt like I was getting my sea legs back, so to speak. As a kid I was fearless. I'd drop my stirrups, knot my reins and just point Clyde at a set of gymnastics and go through hands free. It felt so amazing to do. My body knew how to fold and I could feel the line. I felt that again tonight. It's getting easier to trust that Gwyn can jump with me and thus I can release and keep my eyes up. 

I won one of the saddle covers in a giveaway from Bel Joeor and this has to be my favorite embroidery design, seriously y'all

Anyway, a lot of what I talked about body wise and biomechanically is stuff that I've been discussing and working on with my physical therapist. And I'm just buzzing with happiness about how well it's tied together tonight. And how much I can feel my body being more capable. It's such a nice change from where I was. 

Anyway, it's been a wild mental swing for me this week. I'm just happy to have some good brain chemicals, rather than awful brain chemicals like yesterday. Huge difference. Enough that I had energy and motivation to actually BLOG ABOUT IT. Whaaaaaaat. 

What wins have you had lately? Let's celebrate the wins!

Ralph Dreitzler #2: Black Magic

 Trainer ED was hosting a clinic at her own farm with Ralph (back in November)

Balance is key, Gwyn will tell on me if I'm unbalanced.  If she tries to throw me to the outside, weight the opposite, make her balance herself.

Practice on an exercise ball, sit, lift legs RELAX balance

That damn butt muscle, relax it

Relax your shoulders

Tuck hips EVER so slightly without collapsing shoulders

Steer from hips/pelvic tilt, less is more, shoulders DO NOT follow

Sit back sit back SIT BACK!

Weight in the stirrups + pelvic direction = amazing turns and eventually pirouettes :O  

Breathe, lol

Use the armpit muscle to steer, like holy shit, what... this works?!

Gwyn can do it, Gwyn WANTS to do it. Gwyn is happy when you ride WELL. Happy ears when you get it right/are balanced

Boobs are terrible counterweights, lol

Ralph and I are similar weights :0

She's almost there to being on the bit. It will come as she starts to carry herself. Focus on getting her to carry herself.



I had one or two more lessons with Ralph. One attempt was waylaid by Gwyn still not being sound. It was so frustrating and part of the reason why I just stopped making posts. It was too depressing to open the 'create post' and only think, "Horse is still lame, I lunged her hoping there was a change and there wasn't so I didn't do anything but walk for 10 minutes"

Awful awful.

December Clinic with Ralph

Where I sat in her stall while it was freezing rain and cried because I was breaking my horse (early Jan)

We had our recheck with the vet and got the all clear, however there were moments where things just didn't pan out. Like when I had a lesson the same day as a massage and we just didn't realize because I'm so caught up in craziness at work I didn't realize they were double booked for the same day. 

   

Gwyn sees the vet again tomorrow. She still does hinky things with her hip, several different people have commented on it but noted that it's not lameness but just her dropping her left hip. I suspect it's muscle memory from her compensating for the stifle for so long, but now I'm fucking paranoid. 

We've been doing little except a dressage lesson here and there and lots of trail walking to try and build up her butt strength. 

And buying lots of the ombre line weatherbeeta pads to fill emotional voids

Clearly she's still feeling sassy

Anyway, that's slowly catching me up with you all. I'll get fully back to it at some point.

Ralph Dreitzler Clinic

Ralph is our local FEI gold medalist trainer that Trainer ED will have over for clinics. BO Allison decided to have him come to our barn for a full day clinic since everyone wanted to ride with him. The clinic fee included free food and auditing the other participants. It was a surprisingly pleasant day considering it was supposed to be rainy.

Cassy and Henny 

Gwyn had been put out in the paddock close to the barn in anticipation of me riding in the clinic. This proved to be less than ideal since her buddies came to her and that was novel and she was excited. 

Faheed is a photogenic gelding and KNOWS when you're taking pictures

Mostly....

That heel first landing is aces, tho!

Thanks to her gallivanting about, I put her in the cross ties earlier than I intended but not too early. I took my time getting ready.

BO Allison and Sunny

I did a good walk warm up and Gwyn was moving well to my senses. Ralph had me give him a brief history of me and Gwyn and what we wanted to focus on. I told him what we've been struggling with and some recent things that seem to help (namely, focusing on weighting my stirrups evenly despite it feeling off kilter). He had me pause and walked around Gwyn and I, had me lower my left stirrup one hole.

Suddenly things felt better. It was SO strange.

 But then, as we picked up the trot in front of the clinician, he thought she was stepping weird. A bit more confirmed, she was NQR in the hind end, on the left side. He felt on the inside of her leg and found a huge knot in her muscle.

As demonstrated by the arrow and grumpy face

Ralph thought it better to not stress the muscle if she had pulled it (and she was being an idiot in turn out) because we'd be making her work correctly and it could hurt her more. I agreed, how could I not!? and hopped off. He showed me where it was. I could feel it. 

I'm just dejected and frustrated right now. I'm second guessing everything we've done since mid August when this first popped up. I let her marinate in her BoT sheet. I REALLY wanted to ride with Ralph. I think his knowledge will be really helpful for me. I listened to the other lessons and gah. 

Instead I massaged the heck out of the knot for her. 

And I let her clean up the hay that Faheed and Reign dropped.

And so I gave her more time off and what riding I did do I kept to a walk under saddle and just kept evaluating her on the lunge line. And her strength in stepping under herself waxed and waned within the same session. So she's not working that left hind consistently.

But she got a new waterproof sheet since mine are not holding waterproofness well.

Getting dizzy watching her footfalls

We take breaks to watch the deer

And vote

We treasure the sunlight we do have, coming into our short days and rainy season

And I finally got the bodyworker out. The under leg knot had long been worked out, but I wanted her hands on Gwyn to see what she could find.

Spots make for easy relocation of where to massage

Her left hamstring was extremely tight. She had compensating tightness in her right back (bodyworker expected right shoulder)

I got Henny snuggles while I learned

Henny tried helping

Hamstring stretches

Relaxing into the stretch and releasing

I took election day off for the bodyworker. That was a good plan all around. Plus I wanted to see and feel and make sure I had homework to do with Gwyn to keep her body feeling good. I don't know what else I can do if it's muscle related other than time off and bodywork. I looked into supplements and I'm pretty sure she's on CalTrace + in which case it has the muscle supplement levels handled. I'm not sure a supplement is the magic wand I'd want it to be anyway.

Late night barn time when you work over 40 hrs a week

Liberty play with the ball

I spent a lot of time grooming her because it was warming me up and she was just SHINY!

And both before the ride and after the ride, she got some massage and stretches. Plus organic carrots because they came with carrot tops and I could give those to the bunny at home. 

So I hope this works. Because I'm hoping to take more lessons and clinics through the winter. And I'll make sure to advocate for things to be gentle with this in mind.