Hunters Run Derby Part 1: Dressage

Hoo boy.

Okay, figuring out where to start this will be a trick and a half.

We can start with the fact that I had just gotten over a stomach virus on Friday and was still weak. I didn't get as much done Saturday as I should have because I couldn't. I figured going to the show would pretty much wipe me out and I was right.

Of course, Saturday night I couldn't sleep. Y'all. I haven't been to a legit eventing class of show (Derby, 3 Day, etc) since I was a teenager. It's been about a decade and a half. However, I did make sure my tack was clean, I pulled out my nice bridle I've been saving for a show and switched the bit over. Expecting sun, I put the finishing touches on the customized fly bonnet I made for Gwyn. (There were no bugs...)

Those ears are rainbow sparkly.

And then I got into bed and realized I couldn't remember my dressage test and that I had no fucking idea where my medical armband got off to.

Fuck.

I couldn't fall asleep for about 2 hours. My stomach was starting to flip from nerves and it still hadn't fully settled from my bout of porcelain throne worship on Friday. Just... not ideal conditions.

Sunday morning I grabbed gas for the truck and began doing the finalized loading. Since I'm a craft supply hoarder, I also threw together a makeshift medical armband.

 My friend Casey came to take pictures for me and kept me calm and on track. She doesn't have any horse experience but she was great at being someone to talk at me and listen to me babble and freak out.

First error: I should have budgeted more arrival and prep time. We got there and there was no one in the show secretary hut for a good 20 minutes. WTF. I did try and make good use of the time by getting dressed and starting to groom Gwyn but it kind of set the tone. Thankfully I grabbed my number and rushed back to tack up.

Gwyn had picked up on the energy of the day and was dancing around. Then I found and pulled a tick off of her belly. UGH.

Second error: I didn't do a final review of my dressage test. LOL. I had been doing a lot of visualization in my head but didn't verify that my visualization was completely accurate. I should have done this. I meant to do it. I had a copy of the test in my truck.

I got up to the warm up and checked in with the ring steward and did a bit, but not nearly enough, of warm up. Gwyn was amped. She was on high alert and I swear she thought it was an endurance ride.

So we get to the ring, I greet the judge, judge blows the whistle and we enter. The first part goes okay. I can tell Gwyn is hollow and tense and then we get to the first canter circle at A.

Exiting stage right.

 I'm gritting my teeth but I turn around and go back in. Because this is fucking embarrassing. There's multiple layers here that I'm going to try and explain. As many of you are aware, riding, especially showing, is heavily appearance focused. The human appearance especially. You are pushed to be thin and perfect and coifed. So I already stand out because I'm fat. And let me tell you, I've lost 20 pounds since March. And I was feeling so much better about being in my body until I saw these pictures because getting up on the horse means I immediately look like a marshmallow and it fucking sucks next to every other rider who was there. Plus I don't have the full funds to acquire a show jacket right now. I'm trying to prioritize and the show explicitly stated that you could use your cross country attire in dressage but I was the only one I saw who did that. So standing out more. Then add in Gwyn's coloring and standing out EVEN more. And then we leave the dressage ring.

This is probably all mental, and it's only really hit me now that I've been percolating on it for hours and in the moment I was fine but I just hate it. And if I write any more about it I'm probably going to have to go into the bathroom at work and cry about it but there it is. Stupid stupid stuff.

And honestly, if I saw a rider unintentionally exit during their dressage I would have felt bad for them and assumed it was a green moment but nothing more? And most people probably think that about me but this judgement is a constant in the back of my head. Plus, I am losing weight. Slowly and steadily. I will get to a point where I won't stand out as much. It just hurts when I see myself until then and how I think I'm seen by others.

Anyway. I continue the test. The judge has me redo the cantering transition to trot to walk.

NO MOM. I'M DONE.

 And then on the free walk on the diagonal Gwyn totally blows my aid and just... steps over the fucking railing again. Now I'm ready to die inside and I just go around the outside, come back in and keep going.

The moment before. You can see her eyeing the poles going "Those look like Cavaletti and I am GOOD at stepping over them!"

Casey said she heard me go "SERIOUSLY?!?!' at Gwyn.

Cantering by the judge. We stayed in down here at least.

 And then I blew the final diagonal. Completely forgot about it. The judge seemed sympathetic, she was kind and it was a schooling show and the last time I did a dressage test with Gwyn was when we were in Washington. There's a lot of excuses. But the judge didn't have me redo it because we'd already been eliminated because of leaving the arena.

Leaving after final halt salute

Dear Gwyn: Please to be relaxed like this IN THE DAMN TEST

I'm not going to post each remark for each movement right now (mainly because it's at home and I'm at work). It can be summed up with: Tense. Hollow. Error.  We scored a 55%

The nicest thing the judge commented was that Gwyn was cute.

I'm hanging on to sanity by remembering:

1. This was a schooling show so in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal.
2. It highlighted things to focus on
3. I need to find an actual dressage trainer so we can school the issue of NOT LEAVING THE DAMN DRESSAGE COURT.  I am now 2 for 2 of this happening in a dressage test with cantering. I don't want it to become a habit.
4. Practice relaxation and working on the bit so it becomes more habit in a high energy show environment.

So there you are. Part 1.


Many thanks to Casey for the media. I wouldn't have had it without her.